Waiting Casually

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Maybe it’s because I’m old or whatever, but I have. Most of these thoughts have to do with figuring out the answers to big questions. Questions like:

• Am I happy in my job?
• Am I happy where I live?
• Am I happy with myself?
• What do I want to accomplish in life?
• What do I really value?

I don’t have answers to all of these questions as they’re not as simple as a ‘yes’ or a ‘no.’ There are times that I’m happy with all of the first three and there are times I’m unhappy. There are times when I have a good grasp on the last two and there are times I feel adrift.

The Mrs. and I have been talking a lot about all of these things and charting our course as best we can, but you don’t always feel confident in your course when you don’t know your destination, you know?

Whenever I talk to my parents about these sorts of things, they invariably give me the following advice (best heard in a Southern accent that’s been tempered by 30+ years in California):

Well, Jeff. Life just works that way. You just do the best you can and make the best decisions you can make and everything will turn out OK. There’s no big secret. You just stick with it and
hope for the best.

That was the advice they gave me when I first left home to go to school and I asked how they knew what to do when hard choices came up.

Their answer seemed sort of sweet to me at the time. Cute. The idea that you just worked at making things right and hoped for the best. At the time I still held to the firm belief that there was a singular truth out there that once discovered would obviate any need to work at happiness. As long as that truth was known, you just were successful.

I have to say now though, that that’s a lot of horse shit. Now don’t get me wrong, there are some general principles that keep me centered, but a singular truth? No. In the real world, there are a million distractions that can lead you away from what you actually want. There are habits and patterns that form to prevent you from adjusting to your goal. There can be outcomes that look and feel like your goal, but once you see that outcome you discover that you’re off course again.

Knowing your goal isn’t enough. Not for me anyway. And not for my parents. You have to work hard on figuring your goals out first, and then you have to work hard to keep them in your focus. Lastly, you have to work hard with your spouse/girlfriend/boyfriend/parent/sibling/whomever to make sure that you’re still on track. That’s what they’re there for, just as that’s why you’re there for them.

So my goal from now on is to actually think these things out. I’ve never been one for introspection at that level (let’s call it strategy). I’m much more of an operationally introspective (let’s call it tactical) kinda guy.

Let’s call that step one.